The most dangerous day

Did you survive the most dangerous day of all? That’s right, the day after Thanksgiving may go down in history as the day of greatest risk–huge indigestion, big spending, crowded parking lots and fender‑benders, purse snatchers and trampled shoppers. Yikes, trampled shoppers? This is exactly the reason I shudder at the thought of going near a mall on that terrible Friday. Who needs a stampede of people running over you like you’re a doormat?

 What were the frantic shoppers in Florida thinking when they stormed the Wal‑Mart and stomped over the fallen 40‑year‑old woman who was on the ground gasping for breath? Hey, this is no soccer game with a bunch of drunk and rowdy fans. We’re talking about a few thousand hard‑working folks who have gotten up in the middle of the night so they can buy DVD players for a mere $29. Not exactly a cause worth dying for.

There are all sorts of weird and scary stories that seem to emerge after the “Big Day.” One woman in Cave Creek e‑mailed to say that she broke her own record by spending $4,000 in one hour at one of the new North Valley department stores. She claimed that she was “induced” to spend so much because she had been “holding back” for most of the year. She added that “spending becomes easy when you’re doing it with a large crowd of shoppers ... it’s as though we are egging each other on.” Hmm, could it be that piped‑in Christmas music has subliminal messages that say “spend, spend, spend?”

 A man from Desert Hills e‑mailed to say that his wife “forces” him to go with her when she does the “day after” shopping. He said it’s a dreadful experience and he usually tries to find a bar so he can have a beer in between juggling bags, making trips out to the car to stash them and “giving opinions that my wife never listens to on various gifts.” He said it’s a “ridiculous tradition that has dragged on for 20 years.” Ouch! Sounds like this couple might need to forget the shopping and go to a counselor.

But aren’t the Holidays grand? I secretly admire the brave souls that can wake up at 4:00 in the morning, armed with a compulsively detailed list and the steely fortitude of a Marine, set on a gallant mission to buy gifts (at really good prices) for loved ones–and stand in line for the heavenly gates of “Bargain Paradise” to open. A noble crusade, but not worth being air‑evac’d to a hospital because a mob stampeded over you. How generous that the store where the poor woman was trampled kindly put one of their DVD players “on hold” for the bruised and battered victim. Whoopee!

I don’t like crowds much, and I like shopping less. I get too easily distracted. What good is a list when there are a zillion items out there–all with incredible potential to be the “best buy.” My sister‑in‑law in Ohio, on the other hand, spent an entire day looking for the “perfect” pepper mill for her sister. Oh, ye of little faith, have no illusions about finding anything perfect for anyone. A whole day looking for some contraption that grinds pepper? Why? I like that Desert Hills man’s idea about finding a bar. Clearly, alcohol has a proper place during this season.

I hate to mention it, but aren’t we in a recession? Is that why the Outlets at Anthem opened at midnight (yes, that’s right – midnight) after Thanksgiving? Who can possibly cook or eat a huge meal, nap and then get up to go shopping at midnight? What’s even more astonishing is that the mall had a huge crowd show up when the clock struck 12:00. Yikes! Don’t folks know when they’re supposed to be in bed sleeping?

So what great deals are you looking for this season? Stay safe when you brave the malls and other dangerous places. Maybe we should all forget the lists and let go of striving for perfection. Let Santa do more of the work and let’s spike the eggnog.

Until next week, be very careful and avoid anything that looks like a potential stampede. Cheers!