Owls in love

I’ve been losing sleep lately. It seems that there are two lovebirds perched on my roof most nights, cooing away. The problem is that these lovebirds are two huge, great horned owls and their cooing is a constant loud  “hoo‑hoo‑hoo” that starts around midnight. One sits right over the bedroom. I usually wake up startled each night, thinking someone is shouting “who‑who” at me. My husband, Doug, can usually sleep through all of this noise. But our big yellow Lab, finds himself awakened and annoyed by the racket.

I’ve been studying up on these owls and it seems that they are in the midst of their mating season. For whatever reason, these two vocal beasts have chosen our home as their dating place and stay awake all night making their repetitive love calls. Enough already! Aren’t wild owls supposed to sit in trees, on top of saguaros, or someplace besides my roof? I don’t give a hoot whether they’re in love, I’m tired and need some sleep. Even my dog is acting a little groggy lately.

Oh, did I mention that we have a little too much wildlife in our yard lately? If I told you that we have dozens of bunny rabbits running around, eating our flowers, nibbling on our shrubs, you’d think I was exaggerating. No, I probably have hundreds of the little brown devils with teeth like daggers eating everything in sight. Perhaps my pesky owls are aware that my back yard is a haven for rabbits.

Since the freeze made so many of our plants look dead and brown, I keep numerous pots of flowers around the house. The other night, a family of javelinas came to pay me a visit. Those fat pigs knocked over the pots, ate the roots of the flowers, and made one huge mess. It was like a group of vandals came and tore up my potted garden. They even pulled a few cacti right out of the ground to eat the roots.

To scare off a loud woodpecker that’s been pecking at the stucco on our house, Doug placed a very handsome wooden owl up on the roof. This seemed to ruffle a few feathers. For a while, the great horned owls in the neighborhood would swoop down on the roof and knock over the wooden imposter. Not to be outsmarted by an owl, Doug put a pair of hollow owls on the roof, filling them up with sand so they can’t tip over. Those permanent wooden owls have scared off the woodpecker. Unfortunately, I think they have attracted those two loud‑mouthed live owls that are screeching, hooting and talking all night long.

Perhaps the two lovey‑dovey owls that perch on my roof each night are really infatuated with the wooden ones! Or maybe they think these beautifully painted replicas are playing hard‑to‑get, hence the continuous drone of “hoo‑hoo‑hoo” all night. I think I’ve hit upon something here ... the live owls are courting the fake owls. Why else would two great horned ones be spending their nights sitting around hooting up a storm, when they should be out hunting, eating, nesting, mating, laying eggs and acting like normal owls.

Come to think of it, the normal state of affairs around our house is becoming pretty weird. We have a family of wild pigs that think they own the place, rabbits that nest in my flower pots, and owls that keep me up at night. Maybe we need to place a stuffed mountain lion on our roof to get these critters to move out of the neighborhood.

Great horned owls are rather lazy. They’d rather take over the nest of an abandoned hawk then bother building their own nests. (Do they think our roof is their nest?) They are excellent hunters, hearing the slight scurrying footsteps of a mouse thirty feet away. They even like to eat bugs, beetles, scorpions, squirrels, snakes, rabbits and other birds. The world is one big smorgasbord to these owls, especially at night. If the great horned owls were the size of humans, their eyes would be as large as oranges! They see really well in the dark, making them even better hunters.

At present, all small critters are safe around our house. The two majestic, fierce hunting owls have fallen in love (with each other or their wooden friends). The ongoing nightly sweet‑talk seems to be interfering with their appetites. Yes, a poor little rabbit lives another day while “love is in the air.”

Could two lovesick owls be changing the balance of nature’s food chain? No, make that four owls. Two might be filled with sand, but “who” can say what’s really happening up there on my roof every night? Sleep? Why bother? But if you hunters out there happen to have a big stuffed bear or mountain lion (anything that looks big and frightful will do), please give me a call. Dear Readers, any suggestions would be appreciated. Owl be waiting.