The price of beauty

Have you given much thought to cosmetic surgery lately? Aging, the wrinkles from suntans, sagging skin, fat deposits and all of those little imperfections can be eliminated for a price.

Why not be as beautiful as our wallets will allow?

We are entering the era of “enhancement” as a standard practice and quite frankly, I’m thrilled. Save now, because “beauty” isn’t cheap.

I went to the Scottsdale Arabian Horse Show, which is quite a glitzy affair. I looked around at all of the “perfect beauties” and began to realize that there was a whole lot of liposuction, hair bleaching, permanent eyeliner, hair extensions and tummy tucks  – and those were done on the horses! I’m not making this up! Yikes, what’s the world coming to when the darn horses are looking better than we do?

My mare, Angel, is pushing twenty‑seven and needs a complete makeover. I think it’s time that the “common‑horses” got to join in on the fun! Angel needs a little liposuction in the butt area and would definitely look a lot better if I dyed her mane to cover the gray.

A luxurious tale extension would work wonders.

I also have an Arabian and I can tell you that Arabians are born show‑horses. If he had a thinner neck (fat sucked from it), smoother skin (special hot oil treatments and neck wraps), glossier mane (hair conditioners and extensions), less flab (neoprene sweat suits to cook the fat off), better color (kept in the barn) and a tighter rump (more liposuction), he would be positively fabulous!

I might even be able to fetch $350,000 for him (right now, I might take $1,000 – call me if you’re interested).

All right, so we’ve discovered that show‑horses have to go through the same cosmetic surgery drill that movie stars endure. So what? Of course, eternal youth, slimmer midriffs, and perfect features cost big bucks. Only the few can afford such “procedures.” Most of us have a fleeting notion that we could be “enhanced” by a little lipo or surgery, but then we think about things like mortgage payments and a certain reality takes over. We, the ordinary folk, might have to sag.

Dolly Parton on has been known to say that, “it takes a whole lot of money to look this cheap.” Actually, she looks pretty darn good. I hate to think that the only obstacle to “beauty” is money. It’s almost depressing to think that we (and our horses) have to suffer through a life of “imperfection” because we can’t afford to have a little fat whacked off every now and then!

Oh, but I digress. Getting back to my horses, they could all use a few beauty treatments. I have a big Quarter Horse, Baxter, that really needs a glossier mane and has a habit of hanging his tongue out of the side of his mouth whenever I ride him.

I can assure you that none of those great Arabians that are strutting around in the Scottsdale Arabian Horse Show have tongues like slabs of bacon protruding out of one side of their perfect, pouty mouths. I’ve told Baxter that what stands between him and greatness is his odd tongue habit. Oh, he’s also pigeon‑toed (but so am I).

Let’s face it, if we all start looking closely in the mirror we might decide a few nips and tucks would be in order.

We can believe that beauty is on the inside and in the eyes of the beholder, but that doesn’t mean a hot oil treatment and an eyelid lift shouldn’t be in our future.

I like to keep my options open. I suppose I should worry less about my mare Angel’s slightly rotund backside and put it all in perspective . . .what about mine???

Like looking “natural?”

That’s a noble thought. I’d like to be as “natural” as one of those gorgeous prize‑winning Arabians. See you at the doctor’s office, spa (or the barn).  Never say “neigh” to a beauty treatment (or to plastic surgery)!