Internal Revenue S...

Are you ready? Yes, the Big Tax Day is lurking around the corner, Dear Readers. It’s either a day of pure anguish (empty your wallets) or great relief (quickly spend that refund check). Some folks are downright giddy about the big refund check they’re getting. The people who owe money to the IRS are usually the ones that are filing at the last minute, rushing to a post office hours before the stroke of midnight, feeling nauseous as they regrettably place the envelope with a huge check into the mailbox. Tax time seems to bring out the best, worst, cheapest, greediest and dumbest in we, the people, who must file, claim and pay.

Evidently, a whole bunch of taxpayers have a pretty good sense of humor. The Internal Revenue Service reports that a small percentage of checks they receive each year have “funny” things written on them. Many people use the acronym IRS to spell out what they’re really thinking. I would never have the nerve to write, “Internal Revenue Sucks” on my check. What about “Interesting Rear Sores?” “Idle Rattle Snakes” sounds good to me. Oops, only kidding_ What are these people thinking? I’ll bet an audit is going to be in their future. However, the agents at the IRS say they just have a good laugh–then cash the checks.

People find very creative ways of cheating on their taxes. A young couple in Missouri pretended to give birth to sextuplets. When the six newborns never materialized, but the gifts, donations and money came flowing in, the couple was busted for fraud. When asked why they did it, the husband claimed that he, “went crazy thinking about paying taxes and making up the birth of the babies meant six tax deductions for life.”

If you think that’s farfetched, how about the woman in Seattle who claimed on her tax return that her toy poodle was a “service-dog?” This lady has got some doggone explaining to do to the IRS. It seems she’s been using her ten-pound poodle as a tax deduction for the past ten years.

A survey conducted by Yahoo Finance reveals that 36 percent of Americans say that they “cheat a little” on their taxes. This means the “harmless” padding of gas mileage to the blatant making up of write-offs that don’t exist. One agent for the IRS has been quoted as saying that 10 percent of tax returns are “fiction” and 10 percent of all tax returns are “fantasy.” Ouch_ Isn’t that implying that we’re a bunch of cheats and liars? One psychologist from Stanford who studies “tax-time psychosis,” reveals that many people experience real “emotional breakdowns” during the month of April.

A woman in California divorced her husband and found out afterwards that they owed $100,000 in back taxes to the IRS. For years, her husband would file their taxes and say, “Honey, sign here.” A survey conducted by a major tax preparation group claims that 30 percent of all married couples operate this way. Either the husband or the wife is “involved” in preparing the taxes, and the spouse just “signs on the lines.” It’s a pretty shrill wake-up call when you realize that the government doesn’t accept that you didn’t know what you were signing. What’s the woman in California doing about it? She was arrested for attempted murder.

Some people can be pushed over the edge of the ledger when it comes to paying taxes. Making up the birth of six babies? Experiencing tax-time psychosis? Cheating? From fiction to fantasy, it’s one hell of a ride around April 15. Heck, we’re about to survive another year. If you’re an accountant, get some rest. If you’re getting a refund, cash it quietly and don’t brag. Some poor taxpayer may wring your neck, due to emotional distress.

If you had to (or will have to) write a big check to the government, be happy. That’s how this wonderful country works–on our money. Let’s make a toast to “Intense Reality Shock,” or whatever makes you smile. Tax Day is almost over and let the fantasies begin!