Dear Readers, this subject is serious business (oops, no pun intended) and there are theories, books, videos, support groups and talk shows devoted to the topic. From Dr. Phil to Dr. Spock, everyone has an opinion and a strategy on how to get the "job" done. The newest trend, however, is "E.C.," an acronym for "Elimination Communication." Parents, stop buying Pampers right now; infants as young as three months are "communicating" when they need to do doo-doo.

Here's how it goes: Baby wrinkles his forehead and mother runs like heck to get a little bedpan or cup and set baby on it. Voila! It's that simple. Well, not exactly. It does require that you hold your infant on a pan possibly three or four times an hour-making it pretty hard to have any kind of life. But other than that, it's actually brilliant. As one couple claimed, "We'll never have a soiled diaper in our house!" Now that's potty training 2006!

Dr. Phil claims that any child can be completely potty trained in one day. My 84-year-old mother told me all about Dr. Phil's method. Have a "potty party" and invite friends, children, and family over, bake a cake and wear party hats. Buy a "wetting doll" and set this doll on a little potty chair in the middle of the room. Give the doll a drink of water and when it goes "tinkle," everyone will hoot, holler and applaud. Then the guest of honor (some unsuspecting two- or three-year-old with a party hat on) will be placed on the potty chair and go pee-pee and everyone will wildly cheer and eat cake. That's it, Dear Readers, one "potty party" and no more mess.

Perhaps I'm being a bit skeptical, but I am to believe this is really supposed to work? I know if I get an invitation to attend a potty party, I am going to pass. I'm not a party-pooper; I just don't want pooping at a party and think this is taking things a bit too far. And as far as E.C. is concerned, how can parents watch every grunt, wink or wrinkle that an infant makes? Parents need to relax. Babies are only babies for a relatively short period of time. Enjoy the diapers.

Okay, so all of those disposable diapers are not really that disposable. Our landfills are overflowing with dirty diapers. This is a stinky situation that has no easy solution. Hey, we can't keep living as a "disposable" society and think we're going to get away with it forever. When my two daughters were infants, I had to wash cloth diapers. Yes, it was gross. Terrible, now that I look back. Come to think of it, though, what's so wrong with a few trillion Pampers staying in the environment for several centuries?

I do know that I will never attend a potty party, cloth diapers are a hassle and passé, "elimination communication" is ridiculous, and disposable diapers are ruining the environment. There has to be a better way. But, hey, why worry about how to "correctly" potty-train a child. The only thing that matters is that the "job" gets done. Let's save the cake and party hats for another day.