Q: I am a Christian wife and am having a hard time understanding something. My husband is an elder in the church and feels God comes first, the church second, and family last. Is this correct? We never take time off and I just want to spend some time together.

A: Before Eve ever appeared, Adam was told to go name the animals but that was hardly a ministry. All the lions and tigers and bears were well taken care of without any help from Adam. After his relationship with God, Adam’s next priority was to take care of Eve. The two became one. (See Gen 2:24.) Since married people become one, both husband and wife would ideally be praying together, which would include intercession for their congregation. (See 1 Peter 3:7.) So their personal interaction would come before ministry to the people of God.

Requirements for deacons and elders are listed in 1 Timothy 3. They are required to stand before, or effectively practice Christianity in their household before they can minister as an elder or deacon. (See 1 Tim 3:5.) The order of priority is God, family, then ministry to others. There have been enough pastors in the headlines who have lost their ministries because dedication to their spouses came somewhere after ministry and personal goals.

I tell my 15‑year‑old daughter that she ought to marry a guy who can lead her further into the study of God than she has already come; not necessarily the guy who can teach a great bible study or grow a church congregation. That’s God’s work anyway. (See Mat 16:18.) If we’re obsessed with God more than service to God, we’re going to take care of our lives at home before we charge out to conquer new kingdoms.

Your husband, who is my brother, isn’t going to like me for this answer, but it’s the truth. The word is a matter of conviction which is a good thing. After he realizes the conviction of the truth, I hope he will also realize that conviction is not condemnation. Conviction is never intended to push us away from God. It is meant to be the very internal force God has placed in our soul to pull us closer to Him, and do the right things.

Well‑known ministries such as Focus on the Family with James Dobson, and Family Life with Dennis Rainey are never going to disagree with the counsel I have offered. More than that, the Bible declares, “husbands love your wives even as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it” (Eph 5:25). Love God, love her to death, and then go serve the others. I love you brother, and hope this helps.

The greatest is love.