Q: What help can we get when the offense of someone is so great we have trouble forgiving?

A: If Christians could imagine living life backwards, they would see themselves standing before Jesus in total forgiveness and acceptance. With that in mind, many people still have a couple biggies that really stand out as champion blunders in their own lives. Some believers are even haunted by past sins despite knowing Christ’s blood from the cross has already washed all trace of sin away. (See 1 John 1:7.)

The truth is, Jesus refuses to remember sins once they’re forgiven. (See Heb 10:17.) Now imagine living your life backwards from the throne of grace. Will you really want to stand there remembering someone else’s sin, while you may retain a memory of your own?

Forgiveness is not a reward to the enemy. It’s a gift to both parties involved. If the person you need to reconcile with is not available, you might consider some of these options. People have listed offenses on paper and burned it in order to feel forgiveness. One man imagined his deceased father sitting in a chair in front of him while he extended forgiveness. Others have nailed a list to a cross and considered the slate clean. That’s what Jesus accomplished on the cross. (See Col 2:13‑14.) Demonic forces may re‑open our memory and remind us of the offense, but we can always point back to that expression of forgiveness and restate our decision.

Also remember that God’s decision to forgive Peter after he denied he knew Jesus required the death of His Son. Peter’s decision to forgive the people around him required suppressing his pride.

Sometimes life is beyond difficult and can be downright impossible. The truth is, Jesus may have moved into our heart but He wants full access. We need His strength. If we are born again, we are going to be doing this love thing for eternity. Forgiveness is a decision to cancel a debt. The act of not forgiving is usually linked to anger. We always want to remove anger from our lives as fast as that spider web we accidentally walk into.

Here’s a final big one. Get rid of any negative support team you have gathered around yourself as a defense. They only bolster our complaints and hinder the flow of forgiveness. I know they seem so righteous now, but their negative support is part of your lingering bitterness. They’re usually convenient listeners who tip the teeter totter in favor of division. Keep them around and you’ll have no gain on the play. Find someone who will pray with you instead.

We don’t need a little more time when we have time right now to forgive. Hope this helps.

Lord bless.